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It's my b'day today!!
i turn 23 today..i feel i'm more mature today than i was yesterday..:)

phone calls didn't let me sleep whole night and bumps made my bums sore..:(

got to go to college, with these pimples last night's cake smeared on my face did to me..:(

i am getting so much attention today..we have a party ..i'm throwing the party in the evening for friends..Oh, my dearest,poor pocket money..:(

now i know why people wish on birthdays..because one needs tonnes of wishes for birthdays to be good!!

So happy birthday to me..i'm late for college..
have a nice day!!

BY A WOMAN, FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN-WOMEN'S DAY SPECIAL!!

Happy women’s day ladies and happy women’s day to you too gentlemen, for it is known that we women are thought to be one of the finest creatures present on earth. And the credit of giving us this high position goes to the men, for they are the only authority who can make us sit on the top or reduce our status to a mere child producing machinery.

Thus spake a feminist, are you thinking?

Do not worry, this time I’ll just share my experiences as a daughter, a female student, a colleague, a girl walking on the road, and leave it for you to decide whether being a women is a boon or has its disadvantages more than perks.



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Whenever I as a kid said to my grandmother (in 50s then, dead now) lovingly that ‘‘nani (way we address our maternal grandmothers in hindi) when I grow into a big girl, I’ll buy you a big house, lots of sarees and ornaments” she would reply “when you grow big you’ll buy big houses, plenty of sarees and ornaments but instead of procuring them for me you’ll be doing that for your husband’s family, whatever be the case, Ladka budhape ki laathi hai. Ladki to parayi amanat hai”. (which means the girls of the family get married and go away it’s the male child who sees into the well being of old parents). And i with my pouted mouth, emotions crushed had gone with stamping feets and had refused to get into her laps for weeks untill she promised she would accept my gifts which I would give her as a grownup.
The young girl of five found it difficult to adjust with the fact that the home and the dwellers she thought were inseperable part of her system considered her a ‘Paraya dhan’.


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I remember the first day of my college, when I had got more attention than the boy admitted the same day. I was treated as grandly as I never ever was. Seniors and batch mates squirming like honeybees. That day a flash of glance I threw at any guy made him feel like a champ. Days passed, attention thinned. They started knowing me. They knew I would not depend on them to drop me home safely from college at 8 in the night. They knew I could stand against the most popular student of the college in the college elections. They now knew they had a competition from the weaker sex as well. They named my standing up to keep my backbone straight, my attitude problem.
They tried to crush me, make me surrender, they failed.
They decided to ignore me.


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Few days back, I had to travel in a bus packed with two and a half times more passengers than its capacity, clutching the supporting bar with one hand and using the other to try to save my modesty I was just managing somehow, when I felt something digging my backside. Maybe it’s some lady’s purse, but for that lady had to be really short. I turned back to find a man concentrating on making me feel his salary hike bulging from his front pocket( he had an errection).
More than feeling violated, I felt sick, disgusted. We don’t go rubbing our things here and there like rabies infected dogs.
They do.


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Working with him always was a pleasure, we organised an important weeklong event in office.We planned together, executed the plan together, he on stage, I behind stage supporting him.
He said I was the best colleague he ever had, our manager congratulated him, I thought he would suggest, but he didn’t, that I too had a minor role to play.
It looks to me that we women;
in general, are often lousy at those kinds of behaviours, even when the situation calls for it. We are just bad at behaving like arrogant self-aggrandizing jerks. We are bad at behaving like self-promoting narcissists, anti-social obsessives, or pompous blowhards, even a little bit, even temporarily, even when it would be in our best interests to do so.


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My parents rarely have clashes. Mother prefers keeping quiet.
They had it last two years back, when something which occurred to fall from my father’s mouth accidently for mom in fit of rage. Infuriated, I charged him back, went to an extent of saying you are a perfect human being, an even better father but if I get to choose, I’ll choose a far better husband.
And I had a session with my mother after that, in which she said, my husband is the best I can expect to have, you come and thrash me, but next time you dare not speak to him the way you did. I was dumbfounded, but mother, it was for you I raised my voice. But she had made her mind long before, to worship her husband.
Think high of him always. long before when she was married.


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I caught myself using those mother-sister abusing slangs three four times one particular day.
In want of becoming cool I was becoming ignorant. Despite of being a girl I joined the men’s gang for dishonouring mothers, sisters, women of the world, humiliating them even more.
There may be an argument by the people who use those beautiful words that we don’t mean it literally when we say sisterfuckers or motherfuckers.
Fine, we really appericiate that they really do not mean to humiliate us, but my question is have they ever heard a girl calling another girl a fatherfucker or a brother fucker.

I’m not against the men community , neither I’m a girl with tsunami of feminine waves inside me.
I just do not want to see a girl needing to fight to place a step in any men’s only domain.
I’m just another simple human being who hopes world treats both men and women equally good or bad.

THE EXTROVERT TRIED LIVING LIFE OF AN INTROVERT

I decided to be sorry for myself, one day. I had to be sad. I dug hard, deep into the past was back with the childhood memories which were sweet, but I was in search of those few bitter ones hidden behind my humiliation.
I found myself sorry for having lived life the way I did. But memories were diminished, impact less.
Analysis of present might do wonders;
I was tired of being sorry for others, It was my turn, I wanted the attention this time, the sympathy, which I hated though needed the most now.
I shelled myself, devoid myself of things, I loved doing the most, talking, parenting, administering, managing things, people.
I started no conversations, commented on nothing that drew my interest or disgusted me. I for once let the dumb speak, injustice follow, my thoughts do frivolous movement and then die.
I decided to let the things be, if, for a while.

It seemed effective, they felt something was changed, ‘something’ was different, well, the impact of this ‘something’ was, my whole of inside was on fire. Friction between every thought with the anti-thought seemed to be effective.

Getting deeper into the impact;

At peace was not the dumb, it was forced to break the inertia of keeping quiet.
Neither was the injustice happy, it was winning without even having to play.

Nor was at peace the extrovert,
The whole concept of her ‘I’ was at stake, in process of making herself the pivot of other’s happiness or sorrow.


Eureka! I found the key behind unhappiness,



• Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvellous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.


• Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.
So the bottom line is, Try to be sad, you surely will succeed.

RAMBLINGS OF A FICKLE MIND

Sunn, tell me, if I ever get too dominating!!
We human are better than all other animals, for we try to improve ourselves day after days, but we die trying, we never do, at least we try.
unlike those dogs who satisfactorily nibble the chicken-bones we chew and throw. We everyday are being better than the universe last saw us, we know it better, they know us less. We are growing powerful every day, we know how to harness the weak community, we know, life is lot more than living.
Life is living while being on the top and not sharing the level, life is about being selfish and showing selfless love, care at the same time, life is drinking chilled beer both when efforts are recognized and when projects ignored.

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION!!!

Why can’t they just restrict their hands to their pockets? why actually those hands have to wander in and around the mate’s body?
Why do these couples fail to draw a demarcation line between the confinements of their rooms and a family, rather children’s park. I used to give a sneering look to every package (couples) involved in lovey dovey talks hand-in-hand, or hand-in-waist, or waist-in-hand. And often managed to look away and stare continuously at a same time, on being made forcefully and happily an audience to an epic peck on lips, neck, cheek, hands. And if by any poor chance this happened to be taking place in benign presence of my parents, I condemned the act sportingly enthused.
Until,
The day, the girl drew away her small brother, letting him not see, us too engrossed in looking into each other’s eyes, fingers entangled. The day when I realised it wasn’t just the lovely friendship we shared, it was perhaps a lot more, feelings far ahead of its times.
What back then, felt to be merely a public display of emotions, now felt like a necessity. A necessity to hold the hands hanging on ‘his’ both sides. A necessity to brush apart the fallen strand of hair on ‘her’ forhead.
A tinge of extreme feeling which ran vertically when the shoulders rub.
A necessity to sit beside him and do nothing, even keeping mum being the big word.
Presence being important than anything at all. They were too strong an emotions to be for a show.

WHAT I MISS!!

I love my life!!
My account shows an additional amount of a grand on every last day of the month, I’ve a spacious flat which accommodates me, my laptop, my empty beer cans, my lays packets (yes I secure even the empty ones for a week until the maid comes) well.
I am happy with my life on the office front too. I keep busy, I’ve a big (not actually that big, but enough space to do yoga, if my everyday-growing-inflexible body permits) square cubicle with a flat computer of my own, an extension phone (local calls only! Sigh) which I use to socialise free of cost. We have a good canteen which serves so-so food, but once a year they really get excited and we have Food festival in our canteen for a week, serving food from Italian to Indian, no, the standard is high from the general days; cooks are not the regular ones.
Oh! did I miss telling you about the two hot, steamy guys (oops! Looks like I’m talking about knorr soup, rather than describing my colleagues) I’ve on the either side of my cubicle. The one on my right is single, flirtatious, courteous and humorous. A rare but most sought after combination in men. And the other on my left is good looking and married
Well, I really don’t mind. I really manage well.
I spend my weekend with either of them watching movies, dining out, if nothing else then sleeping my day out. And sometimes, when days are really tough in office, working my way out even on weekends.
So I’m really enjoying things, but do I miss anything?
Bangla, gaadi(two-wheeler) sab kuch tau hai mere paas. Maa bhi hai yaar. What do I miss?
I miss remaining awake till 4 in the morning, hot chats online, downloading porn, in the name of “I’m trying to find reasons behind why guys see this every night? Don’t they get bored?”
I miss,
1. Lazy morning, remaining in bed and missing first two classes as routine,

2. Boring lectures, playing cute ringtones in class
3. Getting bored and then making blank calls,
4. Wasting time in texting friends, hanging out gossiping about chakkar between teachers,
5. Having a one night stand with books on nights before exams, I miss that printing press in which 100 students copied assignments and lab reports from the otherwise mentally retarded topper.
6. Acknowledging the presence of teachers and smiling at them only on viva days.
7. I miss those planning we made of setting the principal’s office on fire, on getting amazing marks.
8. I miss those first day, first show.
9. I miss planning economically for any trip, or day out, EOPO (Each one pay one) lunches.
10. I miss walking in rain with open arms and closed eyes.
11. I miss giving those birthday bumps.
12. I miss doing things without logic, without reasons, without planning.
Oh I miss quite a lot I miss being non-mechanical, I miss being non-courteous , I miss not being able to carefree on what the world thinks of me and I miss flying high without the fear of melting of the wax on my feathers…..