I decided to be sorry for myself, one day. I had to be sad. I dug hard, deep into the past was back with the childhood memories which were sweet, but I was in search of those few bitter ones hidden behind my humiliation.
I found myself sorry for having lived life the way I did. But memories were diminished, impact less.
Analysis of present might do wonders;
I was tired of being sorry for others, It was my turn, I wanted the attention this time, the sympathy, which I hated though needed the most now.
I shelled myself, devoid myself of things, I loved doing the most, talking, parenting, administering, managing things, people.
I started no conversations, commented on nothing that drew my interest or disgusted me. I for once let the dumb speak, injustice follow, my thoughts do frivolous movement and then die.
I decided to let the things be, if, for a while.
It seemed effective, they felt something was changed, ‘something’ was different, well, the impact of this ‘something’ was, my whole of inside was on fire. Friction between every thought with the anti-thought seemed to be effective.
Getting deeper into the impact;
At peace was not the dumb, it was forced to break the inertia of keeping quiet.
Neither was the injustice happy, it was winning without even having to play.
Nor was at peace the extrovert,
The whole concept of her ‘I’ was at stake, in process of making herself the pivot of other’s happiness or sorrow.
Eureka! I found the key behind unhappiness,
• Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvellous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.
• Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.
So the bottom line is, Try to be sad, you surely will succeed.
wud be honest .. could not read it completely..followed some gr8 teacher's advice .. did the first 2 paragraphs and the last 2 .. found them to be interesting.. good work Anamika. I think I should also take this opportunity to thank you for completing (at great persuasion) the essay on 'why I want to be a politician?' ..don't remember ever getting back to you on that one.. Don't expect me to be a regular blog reader.. I am constrained by circumstances.. Keep up your passion for writing.. Cheers..
ReplyDeletehey this one was hilarious ( may be i am the only one who thinks this )
ReplyDeleteand at the same time it was too damn contemplating.
the initial part was grave heavy and the ending equally light
so over all a balanced philosophical crap.
this will surely make you an avid reader of your blog( which i think i already am)
as philosophy and psychology intrigues me to distant of the distant horizons
and this is one easy place to come and have it all.
:)
Cheers keep writing.
@M Shankara:atleast you read my post if only the starting and ending..but believe me i did work equally hard on the middle part..thanks..@soulblogger:may be i would like to know which part of this amuses you the most..and you surely are an avid reader of my blog...and i'm grateful you are..:)
ReplyDeletekeep reading and writing..
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGood one, MAdame!
ReplyDeleteI loved your "Conclusions"- I guess you'll do very well in our WAC-I hope you know what I am toking about!
You started very well and ended fantastically but the prose seemed to be falling apart sometime in the middle. My suggestion would be to use "mind-maps", for more structured writing.To sum it up - an interesting read!
@aparna: lovely sis, i would like to draw comparisons on the writings of two very eminent indian writers..Jhumpa lahiri and Amitav ghosh, where the former's seeps into the system like booze with a smooth impact to last for long, the later's enter with a thump with an effect like that of an Indian hemp or hashish. i agree the middle part's standard matches not with the beginning or the end's but i want my writing to grow without being bounded in constraints of mindmaps..
ReplyDelete